Another from the Vice Belgium stable. Here they are in their mutha tongue...It’s a sick world indeed where Napalm Death live in harmony with Goblin, but Trencher have not only found that world they have been elected its presidents and are now busy rewriting the constitution to become leaders for life. Before that, the Casio-Grindcore pioneers had the little matter of a gig at infamous London trend-spot, The Macbeth…
JT: I thought you said ‘soundchecks are for weaklings’: Why have you just been soundchecking?
M. Shit: I’m feeling quite weak today: I’ve just got back from holiday.
JT: You’ve got some great song titles: which is your favourite?
M. Shit: ‘Chatter of Slimy Teeth’.
Pox: ‘Wounds Cordon Bleu’.
Lock-Monger: ‘Two semis don’t make a hard-on’.
JT: It’s been a while since the last Trencher album, have you been waiting till you can afford a better keyboard or something?
M. Shit: There’s nothing wrong with my keyboard! I’ve just been buying more pedals to make it sound more sick. No, it just seems to be a slow process this time round, but we’re coming up with the goods as we speak… Right now!
Lock-Monger: Not right now, not literally as we speak.
M. Shit: My mind’s only half here – I’m composing.
JT: You’re a body double.
Lock-Monger: Arse double. Yeah, we’re writing at the moment, just been busy touring.
Pox: We’ve got lots of debts as well. So we have to make money – cash…for the gash.
JT: One of your influences is 1970s Horror soundtracks. What frightens Trencher?
M. Shit: The thought of my keyboard breaking. It’s quite hard to replace.
Pox: Grannies and children, little kids, Nazis…
Lock-Monger: Fear itself.
JT: Do you have a message for the people of Belgium?
Lock-Monger: We love your beer and women.
JT: What about their chips?
M. Shit: I don’t think I’ve had the Belgian chip.
JT: They’re double-dipped.
Lock-Monger: Double-dipped!!
JT: Yeah, they fry them, take them out, and fry them again.
Lock-Monger: What, and then they eat them and throw them back in the fryer?
Fuck. Double-dipped: that’s harsh!
JT: I’ve gone through all my questions. I had a dumb question about Madonna, but I’m going to scrap that.
Lock-Monger: Go on, give us it.
JT: Ok, but it is a shit question – if you were going to cover one of her songs, which one would it be?
M. Shit: It’s obvious, but I think ‘Like a Prayer’.
Lock-Monger: Or ‘Like a Virgin’.
Lock-Monger: Like a Virgin Prayer. Mix ‘em up, push ‘em up together, put a Holiday in there.
M. Shit: Prayer for a Virgin.
Lock-Monger: Prayer for a Holiday Virgin.
M. Shit: Prayer for a Belgian Virgin.
Lock-Monger: Double-Dipped.
M. Shit: With two chips stuck up her arse… easy on the Mayo!
JT: Is there anything else you want to say?
Pox: Bring drugs to all the shows.
M. Shit: It’s hard to get them on the road sometimes.
Lock-Monger: Yeah. What else, our philosophy of life?
JT: Yeah, how do you sum up your band in one line?
Lock-Monger: Life of the party, death of life. C’mon Pox have you got any words? …No popcorn today?
Pox: See you in Valhalla you motherfucking crippled fucking jessies.
Lock-Monger: [laughing] We’re gonna end up getting boycotted!
M. Shit: Vikings will no longer listen to our music.
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